Denise dreaded Christmas. What used to be a joy-filled holiday was now a date she wished wasn’t even on the calendar. Family relationships weren’t the same after her husband Tim left. Just two years later, their daughter’s marriage ended in divorce. Accusations were made. Wounds were deep. The rift between mother and daughter was wide, and the air was thick with tension whenever they were together. Denise wanted her precious grandkids to know about God, but she felt powerless.

Christmas had become sour because of broken and toxic family relationships.

Dominique and Crystal made a big deal about Christmas. Still, the focus was on Santa, elf movies, decorations, and lots of expensive gifts, especially from the other grandparents who were more financially able to be extravagant. Dom’s parents, Will and Nina, were frustrated grandparents. Nothing in their grandchildren’s Christmas focused on Jesus. Whenever it was mentioned, Crystal would flippantly say, “You know, we just want Christmas to be fun for our kids (implying that including Jesus would be boring).”

Christmas had become secularized by materialistic values.

Alfonse and Maria enjoyed close relationships with their three daughters and spouses. All were believers and made a genuine effort to celebrate the real meaning of Christmas. They had always read the Christmas story together before opening gifts. Maria noticed their older grandkids were tuning out the familiar scriptures. They needed some freshness in how they reminded the grandchildren of Jesus’ birth.

Christmas had become stale due to a lack of creativity.

Family Dynamics Impact Christmas Celebrations

If one of those scenarios sounds a bit too familiar, you may think “Why do I even bother?” Let me offer two powerful reasons and urge you NOT to give up.

First, you have so much potential for influence!

You’re in an ideal position to spiritually impact your grandchildren, Grandma or Grandpa. You are second only to parents in potential influence. No Sunday School teacher, youth worker, or pastor has the potential you have. You have their heart. You have a childhood-long relationship. You know and love them, and they know and love you.

More importantly, Scripture commands it!

Deuteronomy 4:9 (NIV) is so clear; “…teach them to your children and to their children after them.” According to this verse, we are to teach two generations, not just one. We teach by telling our faith stories and sharing what we have seen Him do. As the spiritual matriarch or patriarch of your family, it is your responsibility to do all you can to pass on your faith. Your choice is not whether or not to do it, but how to do it. Let’s explore the “hows.”

When Relationships Are Sour…

Is your family like Denise’s with tension, hurt feelings, or outright animosity dominating the atmosphere whenever you’re together? You’re the most mature one in the family (or should be) so take responsibility for restoring peace.

Here are some things you can do:

• Ask for forgiveness. That’s the first thing to consider in reconciliation. If you think you don’t need to, look at the relationship through the eyes of others – what would they say?
• Make sure you see the broken relationship, not the other person, as the enemy.
• A quick resolution is often unrealistic. Even if change doesn’t happen this Christmas, dream of a better relationship in the future, and make this holiday season a step to reach that goal.
• Show grace. It’s fascinating that Jesus, the complete embodiment of both grace and truth (John 1:14) often led with grace. If you’ve tried to get them to see things your way (that’s leading with truth) and it’s not working, then change to a “Jesus strategy” and lead with grace. Try to genuinely understand their point of view (that’s grace). Forgive. Love unconditionally. When we show unconditional love and grace, the Holy Spirit uses these almost irresistible tools to impact the thinking of others.

If you are to have hope of impacting your grandchildren for Christ, the chain of soured relationships must be broken. Be the best servant in the room. Determine that – this Christmas – you will do your best to be the chain-breaker!

When It’s All About the Stuff…

When Christ is left out of Christmas, either by the parents’ decision or over-indulgent gift-giving, the real meaning of Christmas is lost somewhere in the stuff. What can you do?

Don’t go against the parents’ wishes – after all, they are first responsible for the children, not you. Crystal’s comment to Nina, “You know, we just want Christmas to be fun for our kids” was telling. But it also gave Nina an idea of how to honor Dom and Crystal’s wishes and still bring Jesus’ birth into their Christmas.

Here are some ideas:

• When our grandkids were small, we often had them act out the Christmas story. We designated one end of the living room as Nazareth, and the other as Bethlehem. The wise men weren’t allowed on the scene, of course, until after the “birth” of Baby Jesus.
• My friends Tina and Ray “kidnap” their grandkids to go view Christmas lights. They talk with the kids about why people may have chosen to have holiday inflatables, lots of lights, etc. Plan a similar outing with your grandkids, and be sure to go by a house with a manger scene which gives you a perfect chance to share with them the Biblical story of Jesus’ birth.
• Host a birthday party for Jesus. Your grandkids can help bake and decorate the cake if they’re old enough, then everyone can enjoy eating it. Don’t forget to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Jesus. Tell or read the story of Jesus’ birth. My friend Elaine does this at what she calls “Advent Angels” – an annual, pre-Christmas event packed full of faith-based crafts, movies, snacks, and fun for her grandkids.
• Together, practice the act of giving. Take cookies to a shut-in neighbor or your local police department. Deliver canned goods to the food bank or some warm socks and gloves to a shelter. By giving, you’re sharing a valuable perspective and also the joy that comes from doing so.
• Research and implement Jesus-focused Christmas traditions from other countries, especially your family’s country of origin.

When Christmas Becomes Stale…

As your grandchildren become teens, it’s challenging to keep Christmas spiritually fresh, especially if they’ve heard Luke 2 so many times it’s memorized. Rituals become rote, and routine becomes boring.

Here are a few new ideas to try:

• Make gifts more experiential. Instead of things, give experiences, like tickets for you and your grandkids to attend a sporting event or concert. Registration for a church youth group event. Family memberships to a zoo. Coupons for a “grand date” for you and your grandchild.
• Make gifts more personal. My friend John customized a study Bible with his own notes for each of his grandkids. Do that for your grandkids on a milestone Christmas – maybe their 13^th.
• Make gifts more useful. Try a “four-gift Christmas,” where you give each grandchild exactly four gifts: Something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. This helps grandkids focus when putting together a wish list and it’s an idea that is easily adapted whether you have limited funds or more than enough.
• Make conversations more meaningful. One of our very best Christmases was when – after the presents were opened – we each shared the most meaningful thing that had happened to us in the past year. After lots of laughter, tears, high fives, and hugs, we agreed it was one of the best Christmases ever.
• Make the atmosphere more spiritual. Before you gather, ask each family member’s favorite Christmas carol, and make a playlist of family favorites for background music during the day. At an appropriate time, ask each one to share why they like that carol.
• Make Christmas more memorable. Get out the special plates; dress up; just do things differently than you normally do.
• Write one verse of the Christmas story on each of the gift tags of the presents for your grandchildren, and then tell them they have to find them and read them before opening their presents.
• Make the approach different. Your older grandkids need to be able to answer the “why” questions of faith. So instead of reading the Christmas story, read passages and create activities that emphasize the reasons behind the birth of Jesus. Here are three ideas:
  • Read prophetic passages like 2 Samuel 7:12-16, Isaiah 7:14 and 9:6, Micah 5:2, and others; then read their “fulfillment counterpart” and emphasize how knowing fulfilled prophecies substantiates your faith. Or, write each set of corresponding passages and wrap them in coordinated packages to be opened.
  • Write out John 1:14, Galatians 4:4-5, Philippians 2:6-8, and other passages that point out the theological implications of Jesus’ birth on decorative paper, roll them up as scrolls, and hang them on the Christmas tree. Use them for your “reading of the Christmas story.”
  • Create some “gifts to the world” packages, and in them put a statement or symbol of how the birth of Jesus impacted human history. For example, on the gift tag, write “To: Women  From: Jesus.” Inside, put a card with Galatians 3:28 on it, and “Equality”, with your own statement about how Jesus impacted the status of women. On another, write “To: Sick From: Jesus.” On the card inside write “Medical Care” and Matthew 25:37-40. You can also do this for education, arts, charities, business, government, family, etc. Or, you can do the same with concepts that originated with Jesus, like grace, forgiveness, love, or hope.

Conclusion

Family dynamics impact our lives, and the holidays tend to heighten the good, as well as the not-so-good, in each of us.

You may be struggling with broken relationships this Christmas like Denise. Life as it was is no longer the reality, and it’s been tough. Don’t give up, but give grace.

Your grandkids may have come to expect extravagant gifts, so – like Will and Nina – you may need to discover some new (and fun) ways to share the real meaning of Christmas with your family.

Or maybe your Christmases have become stale. Replace what’s ritualistic with fresh, creative ideas while retaining the truth that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Remember, as grandparents, we are perfectly poised to make a difference in our grandchildren’s lives. It’s what we’re called to do, no matter our family dynamics.

So make a spiritual impact this Christmas. It may require prayer, creativity, communication with your adult kids, and effort. But it is possible, and believe me—it will be well worth your effort!

…that you may not have thought of!

Are you still considering whether to come to the Legacy Grandparenting Summit or not?  I’m sure you have weighed “Can I afford it?” against “What will I benefit from it?”  Many of you have already registered; in fact, with two months to go, we have over 500 who have already decided to attend.  That number will grow quickly as the time gets nearer.  We are expecting hundreds more, and are praying for 3,000.

We know you are going to gain some incredible insights from our very wise and gifted speakers. We know you are going to love the worship, and laugh with our Christian comedians. We know you are going to be incredibly energized and excited by the whole thing.

But there are some reasons to come that are not about you and what you will gain.  Will you think of these as you make the decision?   If you are already planning to come, consider making another effort to encourage others to attend.  Here are five more reasons:

1. You change the thinking about grandparenting. Look, the status quo—that grandparenting is being overlooked and under-resourced—is simply not acceptable.  The larger the conference is, the more Christian media will notice, and will consider Christian grandparents a worthy audience.  Pastors will start talking among themselves, and will change their definition of ‘family ministry’ to include grandparents.

2. You encourage writers, speakers, and publishers to develop materials on Christian grandparenting. When they see a bigger audience, they will be quicker to create resources and get those into peoples’ hands.  New voices will emerge.  Churches will have curriculum for seminars, studies, and small groups on grandparenting.

3. You will financially support the Legacy Coalition. As a brand new organization, we are dependent upon God’s people to see our vision, align with us, and partner with us. Our ability to grow depends on financial resources, as well as people resources (like every ministry). We have set our budget to break even at about 800-900 people.   Every registration above that number is a donation of sorts that will help empower us to expand our ministry another year.

4. You help create positive momentum in the midst of a negative world. No matter how the election goes in early November, we’re going to need a re-focus–a way to re-engage our generation for something positive, something spiritual, something effective.  Making grandparents aware of their incredible potential to change our world through intentional grandparenting will do those things.  When you come to the conference, your mere presence contributes to this.

But there’s one more—and it’s the big one:

5. You help to launch a national movement. We know you care about your grandchildren.  We know you also care about grandparents being intentional and influencing their grandchildren spiritually.  But there are so many grandparents that haven’t thought about this, and we want to get their attention!  A national conference is our attempt to start a national movement; every person that comes becomes a voice for this, and the more voices we have, the more we will see the movement take root.

Last year at this time, there were just a few dozen people thinking about a ministry to grandparents; now there are a few hundred.  Next year at this time, we want it to be a few thousand.  Who knows what 2020 will hold.  But let’s get going!

Help us by joining us—and encouraging others to do the same—at the Legacy Grandparenting Summit in Frisco, Texas, November 15-17, 2016.   See you there!!!

After they had attended a grandparenting study, Roger shared how he had changed: “Of course, I was already a grandfather—in fact, I was a Christian grandfather,” he said. “But it had never occurred to me to be an intentional Christian grandfather.”

Roger’s view of the importance of his role changed. “Now, every time I see my granddaughters I think about how I can be an influence in their lives for Christ,” he said.

Roger’s transformation was immediate. He began to converse more with his granddaughters about Christ; he prayed more with them, read Bible stories to them, and blessed them. He simply needed a vision of the spiritual significance of his role as a grandfather.

Many grandparents are like Roger and Clarisse were: they are Christian grandparents, and found importance in their role through helping the parents, loving the grandkids, and even spoiling them a little. Then they learned there is a greater importance to the role of grandparenting than they imagined.

The little word that changed our lives

We—my wife, Diane, and I—became convinced of it a few years ago. For us, it started with “seeing with new eyes” a passage of Scripture we had read many times. In fact, it started with seeing the significance of a single little word—the word “and.”

Because of the “and,” Diane and I took a lesser role in our jobs. In fact, we stepped out of a comfortable position of leadership in Awana, a global non-profit ministry. That position had been our life’s ministry calling. And we moved from Illinois to California—for the specific purpose of fulfilling the command which followed the “and.”

In Deuteronomy 4, the Israelites are told to, “Keep the commandments of the LORD your God” (verse two). Then verse nine says, “Teach them to your children and your grandchildren” (NKJV). When we saw that little word “and,” we realized we were responsible to teach two generations, not just one. We couldn’t just spoil our grandkids or dote on them or be a secondary caregiver—we were to be spiritual influencers. We were to teach them. And we knew it would be easier to fulfill this command from nearby than from 1,800 miles away, so we moved.

It may not be necessary, desirable, or even possible for you to move closer to your grandchildren. My point is seeing what Scripture has to say. Whether it is in the simple command in Deuteronomy 4:9, or in many other passages which command us to pass on God’s Word from “generation to generation,” the active role of a grandparent is a pattern regularly implied in God’s Word.

When you add a multi-generational vision to the command to instruct children, you get an even clearer picture of how God wants grandparents to think and act. This multi-generational vision is described by the psalmist Asaph in Psalm 78:5b-7 (NIV), “He commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget His deeds but would keep His commands.”

Do you see? According to Deuteronomy, we are to teach two generations, but according to this passage, we are to think four! Let’s put ourselves in the role of the “ancestors” who Asaph mentions: we (generation one) are to teach our children (generation two) about the things of God, so the grandchildren (three) not yet born would know them, and they in turn will tell their children (four).

Our vision is that a generation beyond the one not yet born will follow God. Is this your desire?  Is it more than a desire—is it a strong passion and a vision which guides your talk and activities with your grandchildren? Does it help you see the great importance of your role?

The incredible potential for discipleship gives grandparenting importance

Grandparent, are you aware of your power for influence? Here’s the truth: you are second only to the parents in your potential to impact your grandchildren spiritually. Most grandparents enjoy a great relationship with their grandkids, especially in the younger years—and that loving bond is ideal for nurturing spiritual growth.

Grandma, you have much more potential for influence than a Sunday school teacher. My Children’s Ministry friends tell me in their churches, the average child attends 1.3 to 2 times a month, depending on the church. A Sunday school teacher will see an individual child 15-25 hours in a given year, and that is all. Then they start over again in a different class with a different teacher.

Grandpa, you have so much to offer! Your unconditional love for your grandchild, your seasoned perspective, and your willingness to spend time make you an ideal discipler. Do you see that?

But potential influence doesn’t mean automatic impact, does it? There are oh, so many barriers to influencing grandkids spiritually.

Here’s what we have found just in our small circle of friends: Janet has a granddaughter who lives in Sweden. Bill and Teresa’s grandkids live with an estranged daughter-in-law. Tina is a single grandma on a limited income, and the “other grandparents” are wealthy and shower expensive gifts on her grandkids. Pete and Barb’s son and family are into sports and spiritual things are unimportant. Winnie’s daughter has walked away from her Christian faith and converted to Buddhism. And those are just a few of the barriers!

Yes, there are so many obstacles. But the potential for impact is still there, and we can’t forget that. Roger and Clarisse weren’t living up to their potential, though there were no barriers. Now they are.

How about you? Could you “up your game?” As you think about the importance of your role, could you connect with your teenage grandkids more frequently? Could you read Bible stories to your adorable toddlers? Could you tell your grandkids your faith journey?

It’s important. It’s really important. Why don’t you start today?