Until they become teenagers, that is.

That’s when the photos and videos slow down considerably. Teenage grandchildren just aren’t as cute as they were when they were doing face plants in the birthday cake or playing patty cake with grandma.

Of course, the drop-off in grandkid photos as they get older could also have something to do with the elusive nature of teenagers and the fact that it’s not really very cool to have your picture showing up on your grandparents’ Facebook feed.

But there’s more to it than that. When grandkids become teenagers, grandparents often begin paying less attention to them, spending less time with them and having fewer conversations with them. So what’s going on?

When I was a teenager I memorized the verse “Don’t let anyone despise you because you are young …” 2 Timothy 4:12 (KJV because there was no other).  I had a hard time relating to the word despise, because I never felt despised because of my youth. I wasn’t despised by my parents, my grandparents, my church or my school or anyone else. I really wasn’t sure who this verse was written for.

But times have changed. Teenagers today know what it feels like to be despised. There is even a word for it: ephebiphobia (an irrational fear of youth). Jokes about teenagers have become legendary: “When a child turns 13, nail him shut in a pickle barrel and feed him through a knothole. When he turns 15, plug up the knothole.” Ever since adolescents were classified as a separate stage of life by psychologists, sociologists and the advertising and entertainment industry, there has been a growing enmity between the generations.

But God loves teenagers. He loves young people. I think it’s significant the only details we are given about the life of Jesus besides His birth and three years of public ministry is His adolescence. The elders in the temple (Luke 2) were amazed by Him at 12 years old. All through scripture we read of young people who did amazing things for God.

Adolescence is an important time of transition, when children become adults. And what God wants is for teenagers to transition themselves toward becoming mature adult followers of Jesus Christ.

It’s unfortunate that church youth ministry has had a tendency towards warehousing teenagers in youth groups, isolating them from the rest of the church. They are treated not as young adults but as older children.

Psychologist Robert Epstein calls this the infantilization of teenagers. In his book Teen 2.0: Saving our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence, Epstein identified 14 core competencies which define adultness and designed a test called “How Adult Are You?” (which you can take online if you want). He administered the test to hundreds of teens as well as to adults in their 40’s and 50’s. The results were nearly identical for both groups.

Truth is, most teens by the time they are 16 or 17 years old have all the competencies they need to do amazing things for Christ and for others. What they lack is opportunity, experience and some encouragement from adults.

This is where we come in as grandparents.

Rather than ignoring our teen grandchildren or waiting for them to grow out of it, we can be engaging with them more, teaching them what we know, having meaningful conversations with them, listening to their ideas and helping them make a safe transition from childhood to adulthood.

And if you take a selfie or two with them, you’ll also have some good material for your Facebook page.

Sounds like a pretty good plan, right?

Well, not so fast, says Marc Agronin, a geriatric psychiatrist who authored the article titled, It’s Time to Rethink Bucket-List Retirement . Having observed his patients and colleagues who had been ticking items off their bucket-lists, he found these people generally feeling more depressed and disconnected than other people. “As they travel the world to soak up experiences, too many seniors inevitably lose track of what really matters—their connections to family, friends and community. They feel like strangers in their own homes.”

But there’s a remedy, he writes.  “Retirees should think about using all of the advantages that make a bucket list possible, such as wealth and vigor, to build something much deeper and more meaningful. Instead of taking a dream vacation to chase fleeting thrills, they should use their time to create something more lasting instead—whether that means building bonds with family or their community or reimagining travel adventures as an opportunity to share experiences and wisdom with grandchildren.”

I’m not retired but my wife Marci and I took two vacations this summer. The first was a Mediterranean cruise to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.  We did this one alone and had a marvelous time seeing some beautiful places we had never seen before. It was definitely a bucket-list experience we will remember for a long time.

But we also did a less glamorous road trip, driving more than 3000 miles to visit our kids and four grandkids (and their parents) who live in the Pacific Northwest. Our grandson Jack, who lives near us in San Diego, rode in our back seat the whole way. We stopped at fast food joints, stayed in cheap hotels and laughed through silly songs like “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” and “I Like to Eat Eight Apples and Bananas.” The trip didn’t cost much, nor did things go exactly how we planned them, but the time with our grandson and the rest of our family was priceless.

Which vacation was best? Well, it’s hard to compare the two, but according to Dr. Agronin, the road trip vacation beat the cruise in terms of ultimate satisfaction.  Is it more exciting than zip-lining through a rain forest or cruising through the Greek Isles?  “Superficially, no,” he says. “But look a little deeper and I have no doubt that people who take a trip … with children and grandchildren, or volunteer at a local community center, are much more content, much happier, than the passive voyeurs who whiz by, thrilled with the speed and all the photos, but sadly missing the bigger picture.”

Our “bigger picture” of course, is a Kingdom perspective. More than anything in the world, we want our children and grandchildren to come to know, love and serve Jesus, our King. In today’s busy postmodern (and dare we say post-Christian) world, there is no better way for grandparents to share the good news about Jesus with our grandkids than to simply spend time with them.

So what’s on your bucket list? Does it include spending time with your grandkids?