“Really?”

“Yes. We had to go somewhere and I let you drive.”

“You let a 13-year-old drive?”

“I was dreaming.” I laughed and then continued. “But you did well. When we had to turn onto a very narrow road, I reached over and grabbed the steering wheel to help. I guess we did ok because we were still driving around when I woke up.”

Carter (who is quite a charmer), jumped to his feet. “That proves it! That proves it!”

“Proves what?” I had no idea where this was going.

“That you’re a good grandma. When a grandmother helps a grandkid even in her dreams, you KNOW she’s a good grandma.” He paused. “Put that on Facebook, that’s a very grandmotherish thing to put on Facebook.”

As I said, Carter is a charmer. He knows how to say the right words to make his parents and grandparents respond with “awww.”

But he has a point.

How willing are we to help our grandkids? Kids are navigating through a tough world. Parents do what they can, but they can’t do it all or maybe they can do it all, but don’t have time for some of the extras.

Sometimes helping is fun. Sometimes it is serious. Sometimes it is … unexpected.

I’ve helped …

… as extra transportation during a medical emergency.

… with Christmas shopping.

… a child memorize a verse.

… pull out a tooth.

… bake cookies.

… drive grandkids to work or pick them up at school.

… buy a dress for a special occasion.

… practice catching a baseball.

Your list of helps is probably different from mine, but that’s all right. The benefit comes not in how we help, but in that we are helping.

We can probably all recite verses about helping others. Often we apply those verses to contributing to a food bank, teaching a class, or helping a shut-in.

But those verses can also be applied to our grandkids. Our privilege is to treat them with compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians3:12).

And no, I wouldn’t let the 13-year-old drive my car.

Except in my dreams.

And sometimes the need for that support appears in unexpected ways.

My two oldest grandchildren are just 7 weeks apart in age. They only get to see each other two or three times a year. One lives close to me. One lives a few hundred miles away. I spend time with both of them and know their families and their rules quite well.

When the girls were ten, I was driving them somewhere. They were sitting in the back seat happily chatting when one of them said, “What should we do when we get back to Grandma’s house?”

“We could paint our fingernails,” said granddaughter #1. “I just got some new polish.”

I listened carefully because I know granddaughter #2 wasn’t allowed to wear polish. Her parents didn’t want her using any kind of makeup until she was older.

“I can’t,” said #2.

“Why not?” #1 didn’t understand.

“My parents don’t want me wearing polish until I’m in middle school.”

Obviously her cousin didn’t get it. I also knew the conversation could quickly escalate into something like, “Well, that’s silly. I’m glad I don’t have your parents.” I didn’t want it to go there. I didn’t want the girls disrespecting either their parents or their uncles and aunts.

I joined the conversation. “You know, girls, parents have their own rules for their own families and they have reasons for those rules. #2’s parents don’t want her wearing fingernail polish, but you know what? She’s allowed to bike around the neighborhood by herself.” (I knew that was something #1 wished she could do, but couldn’t.) “So sometimes you might be allowed to do something your cousin can’t do and that’s okay, because that’s what your parents decided. The important thing is obeying what your parents tell you.”

The girls giggled. “I can do some things and you can do some things,” #1 said.

“I can’t do some things and you can’t do some things,” #2 agreed.

“Now,” I smiled. “Let’s all agree that we should stop for some ice cream.”

And that was that.

As grandparents, we don’t always need to intercede, but we do need to be aware of what’s being said and help when needed; lovingly and prayerfully backing up and supporting the rules our kids make for their own kids.

My mother, at 95, is very interested in her great grandchildren – even though she only sees them once or twice a year. I make an effort to keep her informed of their activities and achievements and she does well keeping track – often greeting them with “How’s the tennis going?” or “How’s the artwork?”

More challenging is helping the grandkids feel comfortable around my mom. She can’t hear or see well so you need to talk loudly and explain what you’re showing her. To encourage conversation, we have occasionally had the kids write down questions for her; questions about her life. She has a rich past – not only did she have an unusual childhood, but she worked alongside my dad in ministry that took them from one side of the country to the other.

When you’re a 12-year-old boy, listening to a 95-year-old lady reminisce might not seem like an exciting way to spend time, but it is valuable for the grandchildren to hear. We often video these conversations, so the kids will have them later in life when they might be more interested.

My mother has also written down her life history for all of us. My husband’s parents have hundreds of letters they wrote back and forth when my father-in-law was in the service and the kids have permission to read them when we’re at the great-grandparents’ apartment for a visit. We have also videoed conversations with them.

During a recent visit, my father-in-law got out his Morse Code apparatus and demonstrated the skills he learned in World War II. All the years I’ve known him, I didn’t realize he still had the apparatus and I was able to take a video of him using it – which I posted on Facebook for our entire family to see.

Many grandparents today are active and able to enjoy a multitude of activities with their grandkids. But don’t forget the great-grandparents. They’re often tucked away in assisted living complexes without the ability to get around or join in family events. Yet, those great-grandparent/grandchild relationships can be influential. They can provide a unique and valuable legacy.

My grandchildren are privileged in that their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents are all Christians. They have a rich, spiritual heritage. I need to be intentional about helping them communicate with the great-grandparents in a meaningful and memorable way.

A Sunday evening. Halloween. Mission’s conference at church.

One of the components of our mission conferences was the kid sessions. The missionaries who spoke to the adults were asked to take their turn sharing their ministry with the kids. I usually helped with the kids.

That Sunday evening, the four-year-old munchkin gleefully went to the kids’ area with me and we sat in the first row as the speaker, a representative from Gideons International, began talking. The man wasn’t that entertaining – Gideon reps are businessmen and women who volunteer to hand out Bibles to places such as prisons, schools and hotel/motels and are not necessarily seasoned speakers.

But the munchkin listened. The man finished his presentation talking about some of the experiences he has had giving away Bibles at schools. Then said he had a New Testament for each of the kids present that night.

The munchkin’s eyes lit up, “Really, Grandma? I’m gonna get a Bible?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

She bounced up and down in her seat until the Bible was in her hands. With awe, she skimmed through the pages.

“When you get home tonight,” I whispered, “you’ll have to ask your dad or mom to read a chapter to you.”

“Oh, I will,” she promised.

I emphasized several times she needed to talk to her parents. I wanted to capture her excitement. Otherwise, I knew the Bible could get lost under the car seat on the trip home or even forgotten at church. Four-year-olds can lose interest in things quickly.

But she remembered. That night her dad read a chapter of the New Testament to her and as a result, she trusted Christ as Savior.

And when our family thinks about it, we smile. Because this is a child who has three preachers in the family and another seven or eight relatives in full-time Christian ministry. Bibles? Her family has at least 20 of them, including a brightly-colored children’s Bible someone had given her a year or so before.

But God used a Gideon rep and a plain New Testament to be the catalyst for her salvation decision.

With children – whether those we teach, those we parent or those we grandparent, we need to be alert to opportunities. Because this munchkin had attended church since the week she was born, lived in a house with scores of Bibles, and had heard her parents and grandparents talk about the Lord directly to her (or in her hearing range) countless times… we could’ve easily overlooked her excitement.

The thing is – we don’t know when something clicks in a child’s brain. We don’t know when everything they’ve been hearing will suddenly make sense to them. We don’t know when they’re ready to make that serious, life-changing decision.

That moment could be any time.

That moment could be the result of a Gideon Bible given to her on Halloween night.