Question:
My 10-year-old grandson has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and he often responds to people inappropriately when in public. Sometimes he gets overly aggressive and says things to his siblings and other children that are hurtful and in very poor taste. My son and daughter-in-law have responded to this by telling his siblings to ignore him, isolating him from other kids and significantly limiting the time he is in public places. I know that he can’t change and I am concerned that he is hurting other kids but I don’t think it is good for him to have no contact with his peers and be isolated at home. How can I work with my son and daughter-in-law to help him to have better social skills?
Response:
Autism affects each child in different ways. It is possible that your grandson will not be able to change but he may be able to learn to behave more appropriately in social situations.
I encourage you to talk with his parents about getting some help from licensed professionals with special training and expertise in treating children with autism. This may include doctors, mental health providers, teachers, and others.
Some children are able to improve social skills with focused behavioral interventions while others show very little improvement.
Your son and daughter-in-law may find help for your grandson by starting with school personnel, his pediatrician, or a local hospital or mental health center that provides treatment for children with autism. With their help, your family and friends of your grandson can learn what your grandson is and is not able to do and how to set limits with your grandson so he does not do physical or emotional harm to others.
In regard to his behavior in public, most people are able to recognize if a typically developing child is being intentionally disruptive or if he or she has some sort of disability.
It can help parents to have someone with them to help manage their kids in public, especially if one has a physical or mental health disorder of some kind. So, whenever possible, I encourage you to offer to go with your son and daughter-in-law to lend them support while they are in public places with their children.
You might also want to help them identify safe public places where your grandson may feel more comfortable and where many others understand his disability. Examples may be church and school, where people are aware of his diagnosis and where there are professionals to support him, his family members, and you.
4 thoughts on “Helping a Grandchild with Autism and Assisting the Family”
We have a similar situation. The boy is now 15. He’s still struggles but he’s been getting help over the years and he is learning to manage himself. I really suggest that getting into a professional counselor who deals with this kind of problem specifically and make sure that he gets special needs help in school. Many churches have programs for special needs kids as well that give the parents a break
Yes, Nancee. Professional counselors, school personnel and churches can be a great support to parents and grandparents of a child with autism.
Dr. Joannie
Letting them know you would like to spend special time with your grand. Everyone needs to know someone thinks they are special, valuable and loved no matter what. You can research activities the two of you can do together. My friend makes creative characters out of felt.clay.or coloring and makes up stories about them. This way there is a connection to you and communication. That they can re-read and remember. God bless you
This is a beautiful way to show God’s love to a child with autism. All children have special gifts.
Dr. Joannie