Grandchild Was Asked if Being Gay Is Right or Wrong

Question:

At public school, my 11-year-old Christian grandson was asked, during recess, if he thought being gay is right or wrong. He said he didn’t know as he was taken by surprise (but he does know). He later asked his mom what he should have said in response.

How should believing kids or adults be prepared to answer this question to both unbelievers and some believers in a God-honoring truthful manner?

Response:

This is a great question and one that deserves a very thorough answer.

These kinds of questions open up a great opportunity for kids and adults to witness in ways that can be helpful to those who don’t know the Lord. We are most likely to minister to others in the context of full conversations rather than via simple answers about complex issues.

It’s a bit like meeting with a physician. If he or she hands you a sheet of paper and asks you what symptoms you have and then provides an immediate diagnosis without talking to you, you may be more likely to reject the diagnosis than if the doctor provides a diagnosis after a complete physical and a thorough conversation with you about your symptoms.

We all need to be sensitive to the fact that the person asking this type of question may be asking about himself. So, if the answer is “It’s wrong” that will be heard as a rejection of the person and may keep him from connecting with others in ways that could be healing.

Therefore, a really good way to respond to that question is to say, “I’d like to talk to you more about that when we have the time.” Then, it is important to make the time.

In the case of the question that was posed to your grandson, he would first need to know what “being gay” means for the person who asked the question. Pre-adolescents and adolescents, in particular, have a lot of different definitions. Some define “being gay” as supporting their gay friends while others think that if they are attracted to people of the same gender and the opposite gender, they are gay.

It is actually quite normal for heterosexual young people to sometimes feel sexually attracted to kids of the same gender and that doesn’t mean that they are homosexual.

So, your grandson (and other kids or adults who are asked this kind of question) need to know what the person’s question really means. By taking the time to learn what he or she is asking, the listener then has time to talk through the Biblical stance on homosexuality -as it applies to the person’s specific situation- in a way that can be fully explained and communicated with grace and truth.

It’s important for Christians not to give simple answers for other complex issues but instead, come to a conversation with someone, intending to listen first and then respond. Our answers then need to begin with empathy and compassion for the other’s point of view and later, to provide context and Biblical support for our beliefs.

Quick answers tend to be heard and dismissed quickly, but when we take the time to engage with others and show respect for them, they are more likely to want to continue the conversation.