Question:
I was very close with my three granddaughters until each one of them reached about 11 years of age. At that point, I noticed that they didn’t seem to want to be around me anymore or come visit my husband and I in the summer. What are some ways to engage with preteens and teenagers when your relationship with them changes?
Response:
Ah yes, that sounds pretty normal. As children approach the preteen years, they begin to focus more on their peers and less on their family members.
They need their parents and grandparents just as much- if not more- in the preteen and teen years than they needed them in their earlier years. They may not know that, however. So, as grandparents, you need to take a little more of an indirect approach.
To begin with, show them affection but in different ways. As their bodies change, they often feel a bit self-conscious about giving the adults in their lives big bear hugs. Instead, they might be more comfortable with a side hug, a soft touch on the shoulder, or a gentle kiss on the cheek or forehead. It’s also helpful to ask them what they like to do and offer to be the chaperone to an event with a friend or two, watching them and cheering them on rather than participating with them. By all means, join in if they invite you to do so. Send them care packages in the mail, and let them know you are available if they want to talk.
This is a time to give them some space while you also communicate that you still want to remain connected to them, but maybe in a slightly different way.
