Question:
Our daughter and her young son have been abandoned by the boy’s father. How can we help our grandson cope with this?
Response:
This is such a sad situation and potentially harmful for your grandson. However, the fact that he has his mother, you, and your husband in his life can help prevent serious harm to him. God bless you for your commitment to being a part of raising him!
We know that when a child is abandoned or loses a parent for any reason, the love of other family members can provide him or her with the nurturing, guidance, and love that he or she needs to thrive.
Here are some suggestions for ways to help your grandson cope with the loss of his father and be able to form strong relationships with other men in his life.
1. Consider family therapy for all of you so you can talk with a mental health professional who has special knowledge and training regarding how to help families cope well with significant losses in their lives. When your grandson is older, individual counseling may be helpful for him, including play therapy when he is young.
2. Try to identify other healthy men in your grandson’s life who are the general age of his father and might be interested in being a mentor for him. This could be a family member, a youth pastor, or a trusted friend.
3. Find resources for how to parent a boy in 2023 and beyond. Because of the many changes that have occurred in our culture since you were raising children, it is important to know what you need to be aware of and how to respond appropriately to challenges that may come up for your grandson. You can find many resources from Focus on the Family here. You will also find several good books about fatherhood and parenting boys written by Dr. Meg Meeker here.
4. As your grandson gets older, help him find groups for boys at school, church, or in the community led by men who can be a positive influence in his life. Just be careful to check out the groups carefully and get recommendations from people you trust.
5. If your daughter is thinking about potential marriage in the future, encourage her to work with a counselor to learn how to choose a healthy man who can be a loving spouse and father.
6. Be sure that you and your husband spend time focusing on self-care so you can stay healthy and have the energy to help raise an active little boy.
Your daughter, you, and your husband are the best resources this little boy has. He is blessed to have the three of you to care for him.
